eu tou bem
so nao tenho é tido mt tempo aki po skype
tem estado a chover, e imenso vento e como mudei o windows do meu pc pra um em ingles e o homemzinho se esqueceu de por word, (e tenho preguiça de ir a loja outra vz) tenho tado mais tempo nos pcs da uni library
tenho andado a escrever o meu essay
so ligo o skype, mesmo kuando chego pra falar com a minha mae
mas chiça ainda so passou um mes! menos q isso, ja ficaste mais tempo k isso sem me ver durante as ferias! lol
drama queen

im not
you are

everyone around me tells me to move on , i wanna hold on to your memory and i dont know what to do
this is drama
seriously?
drama queen

move on
i told you so before i left
didn't i?

since when do i do what you tell me to?
serio
desde quando?

then do what you want
but do it
and don't fret about it
i dont

do you mind/care what ever i do ?
i care, i dont mind though
you're free as a bird
if birds are as free as i am right now then we are locked up in cages

sejamos serios
nao passou nem um mes
e ja tas nisto
sejamos honestos
nao aguentas 6 meses
queres realidade
bm ai a tns

nao

a tua decisao ja foi tomada
por mim!
eu bazei
e tu nao estas a respeitar os meus desejos
metendo m numa posiçao na qual eu nao kero estar
acabou
ponto
acabou no dia em k eu tive que escolher entre o k tinha e o k keria
é tao simples como isso
acabou quando eu vi que queria ir de erasmus e me senti mal por que tu ias passarte

eu nao tou passado porque foste de erasmus
nao é por teres ido
e pelo menos pensa nisto
como se fosses eu
e conhecendo-me como conheces

ja pensei

nao foi o teres ido
foi o teremos acabado
por teres ido
eu sei que nao podias tar sempre aqui
eu sei que ias ver coisas novas
eu sei que ia ser dificil
YA EU SEI
mas eu disse-te antes de ires
eu esperava
mas isso foi algo que tu te recusaste

exactmente

eu nunca te diria para nao ires de erasmus
eu sei que isso era um dos teus sonhos

tu nao percebes pois n?
nao é ir de erasmus
nc foi ir de erasmus
eu nao vim "de" erasmus
eu queria sair dai
estou incrivelmente feliz aki
é exactamente tudo o k eu sonhei
e tem coisas más
mas até dessas eu gosto poque sao DIFERENTES
sinto k vivi toda a minha vida num quarto de vidro
e k nunca sai de la porque estava BEM la
mas estar bm nao me chega
na verdade nc chegou
e eu sabia quando decidi ir "de" erasmus k
nunca mais ia chegar
lamento
a serio que sim
mas eu n kero voltar praí
vou voltar obviamente
mas a verdade é k nao kero
tu
es mt importante pra mim
mas basicamente fazes part das coisas boas k eu sabia k ia deixar pra tras
e msm assim fiz a minha escolha
nao é k eu nao saiba "a pessoa k vou ser quando voltar"
o problema é k sei
porque ja era essa pessoa quando parti

eu habituei-me a ti
exacto
eu nao kero habito
e nao kero alguem k esta comigo por habito
foi sempre por algo muito mais que habito, menina
quando sabe perfeitamente k eu nao sou a pessoa certa pra si, menino
e depois ?
eu sabia isso
mas tava feliz
certo ou errado nao entra ai
estavas bem
e eu tb
mas bm pode ser o suficiente pra ti
n é pra mim
logo, nao sou a pessoa certa pra ti, nem posso ser

eu podia-me defender m do teu ponto de vista e sabes isso, nao e´ por isso que alguma vez voltei atras, eu tava feliz e tava bem e estava completo, neste momento nao estou e ta-me a ser dificil, mas obrigado por esta conversa
tava a precisar
pq a unica pessoa que me podia dar esta conversa eras tu
eu vou ser diferente
depois ves :)
vou aprender alemao apartir deste mes
para começar :)

lol
vou entregar curriculos amanha
part time ?
sim
tas short em cash ?
tenho 3 dias livres todas as semanas
ah
ocupar tempo e earn something
nc trabalhei por precisar de dinheiro
exacto

kero outras coisas
e incrivelmente
fiz a escolha certa
estou feliz
mt

im proud of you
so am i
pensei que ias escrever " me too "
not yet

see you when you get back ?
obviously!
please... one promess
be better than what you are :)
always
because you are a real pain sometimes
i know
being better is a life long ocupation
in a way

see you!
see you

3 February 2011

Even More 50 Flames

I believe in Destine, Fate, Serendipity.

That there’s a deeper meaning to life and we’re born with a purpose.

You see, I was put on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things during my lifetime… Of course, right now I’m so far behind that I’ll probably never die.

50 Flames- a exactly 50 words mini story!

In my dream,

I'm wearing a dress and some man whose face I never see, has his arm around my shoulders.

But the weight is comforting, his voice deep and there’s a bitter-sweet scent in the air.

I wake up with a peaceful feeling I can’t name…

perhaps happiness.

Erasmus: A Burning Hellhole of Bureaucracy

Now...why I decided I wanted to go on Erasmus isn’t important, what matters here, is all the bureaucratic craziness that ensued....

The day I applied for Erasmus, started out bad and got worse in a hurry.

I woke up late, but that’s not really that surprising because I’m constantly late, in fact I’m late so often, that when I’m on time, people think I’m early.
It was actually a good thing that day, because since I was, once again, late, I decided to skip class altogether and make that little trip to the administrative services I‘d been procrastinating for the past 4 weeks.

There’s an old joke that goes like this: “diplomacy is to continue to say ‘nice doggy’ until you can find a big enough rock.”
Now, administrative advisers at my University are absurdly good at finding big rocks, so they seldom bother with the appeasing flattery.

Result? I dreaded any and all experiences, somehow related to the academic services.

I’d a friend of mine who went on Erasmus, and she told me, the first step to apply was to speak with one of the advisers there, and so this series of unfortunate events began:

I walked trough the doors and looked around, trying to find someone to answer my questions, now this takes some skill, and particularly good eyesight, thankfully I had had an eye corrective operation last year, so no biggie.

“Hi” I said to the only visible (hardly so, since she was cooped up in a tiny cubicle in the farthest corner from the entry) University worker.
She was wearing a stiff grey suit and a incongruous amount of eye makeup. “I came to the Academic Services to--”

“I’m sorry, miss, we are closed at the moment.” She interrupted me, without even looking away from the computer screen.

“Hum? But--” I said looking at the rectangle of paper badly taped to the cubicle window, that stated the opening and closing hours of the Academic Services. “It says here it’s open from 10h to 12h and from 14h to 16h. It’s 10:45h.”

“Yes, yes, but there’s no one here that can attend you right now.”

“You are sitting right there!” I was starting to get pretty tired from talking to the side of her face, since she continued to look at the computer and ignore me.

Thankfully she finally looked up. “Yes, but I can’t possibly attend you, and my co-worker is on her lunch break, so come back later.” The silent or don’t came back at all went unsaid.

Still I was feeling persistent. “Why can’t you attend me, exactly? I haven’t even said what I came here to do!”

The women looked at me like I was a sort of talking piece of gun that she had just steeped on.
“I don’t really attend public, I’m the Senior--” and yes, she put a capital letter on the title “adviser, I can’t possibly go around answering everyone’s questions.”

“Well there’s no one else here,” I said reasonably “so it’s not really everyone’s questions, it’s just my questions, which there’s no one else here to answer, even though this are your attending hours.”

“Look here, I very busy at the mo--” she looked away from the computer and turning her back to me yelled to someone, somewhere inside the room behind her. “ Marjorie, you’re never going to believe who just added me to their facebook!”

Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me! I thought as a blond, equally tacky dressed women showed up, probably Marjorie, and bending over to look at the computer, began a series of half-sentences, that basically consisted of: “ No way…”; “Really?”; “You, lucky you!”; etc.

I got pissed. Obviously.
“Now, look here--”

“We are closed for lunch break.” The one named Marjorie said while closing the little glass window on my face.

Ok....
That didn’t go very well, but I wasn’t ready to throw the towel just yet.
I decided to try to go talk with my Department advisor; he should know what to do.

I knew he was called Ricardo, because although I’d no previous interactions with him, personally, I remembered hearing my classmates saying his name a couple of times.

So I headed down to my Department, I entered the tiny, overstuffed room walked right up to the first woman I saw, and said with a determined tone:

“I’m here to see my Department Advisor Ricardo, about applying for Erasmus.”

For my audacity, I spent the next 20 minutes filling out paperwork.

Finally the woman called me, and showed me a place to sit, right in front of a man, who I presumed was Ricardo.

He was a pleasant-looking young fellow, which offered a nice variation, from the stiff older women I’d been interacting with so far. He had dark, short hair and chocolate-brown eyes behind round, black wired glasses.

“Hi, I’m Ricardo, you wanted to speak to me?”

“Yes, I hoping to apply for Erasmus--” I began.

“What’s your student number?” He rudely interrupted. I told him the number and after tapping it in his computer and taking a look, he continued. “Everything seems alright…”

“I hope so, I’m trying to apply for Erasmus--” I began again.

“Have you talked with the Academic services?” He, once again, brusquely interrupted.

“Well, I tried, but they always seem to be on lunch break…”

“You should really talk to them.” he said absently, still looking at the computer, and supposedly my transcripts.

“Right, right, but while they are on lunch break, and since I’m already here talking to you, I’d really appreciate if you could give me some information. In fact, I have a quest--”

Ricardo looked vaguely alarmed. “Hum… I have to stop you right there. We can’t do that here.”

I blinked. “Come again?”

“We are the Department of Languages, Literatures and Cultures, we provide information. That’s what we do. We can’t answer questions.”

“Sure, I get it, but can’t you--?”

“No, no, no, if you want to ask any questions, you have to call the University. Or use the Internet. I’m sorry but we can’t answer your question here.”

“Let me get this straight, this is the place I go to get information about this University…”

“Yes…”

“And you have the information necessary to answer my questions here--”

“Absolutely!”

“But, and even thought you know how, you can’t answer my questions?”

“Yes that’s correct.”

“Oh, okay.” This was weird, but after the morning I just had, I could be cooperative.
Probably.
I leaned back in the uncomfortable plastic chair. “Okay, so can I use your phone to call the University?”

Ricardo spread his hands apologetically. “Ah, jeez, you know, we used to let people do that but some folks abused the phones, and so--”

“So you’re telling me, I can’t call my own University, using one of the phones in that University, to get anyone to answer my questions about that same University?”

“Well technically, we are only a department of the University--” I suddenly wondered if the guy was technically robot… or drunk, yes perhaps he was drunk, I sure as hell would be as soon as I got out of this bureaucratic hellhole.
“And that’s why we can’t let you do that.” He shrugged. “Sorry.”

I leaned forward and speared him with my most fearsome gaze. “I need. To use. Your phone.”

“No!” He hunched over and clutched the phone protectively to his chest. “It’s against policy!”

While I was still trying to untangle myself from this behemoth game of bureaucratic twister, he continued, “You will just have to go home and contact the University, on your own dime, like everybody else.”

And they still wonder why kids bring machine guns to schools....
TO BE CONTINUED

More PoF... this time not about my ex, but about my feelings towards people's expectations of me...

I'm owned and I'm branded

I'm marked and I'm caged

I'm kept, I am bottled

But watch as I rage

You think I'll sit quietly?

You think I'll submit?

You think me obedient?

-Not even a bit

For my pride, it is stronger

My stubbornness, steal

My anger, a thunder

That all heaven can feel

I breathe and I wait

My mind knows what's true

And with my every breath

Know I defy you.

About Poems On Fire

I just wrote my first poem last week.
In class. (who said school takes away your imagination?)

Here it goes:

Dots
or
Drawing a Life

Fleeting in the back of my mind
Regret, forget forsaken time
Spent making plans to follow through
For this old soul has things to do.

Lives and dreams of drawing dot to dot
To later bind up on the plot
And drawing, the lifeline to displays
What’s been done through all my days.

I look at all of them and grin
At all the places they have been
And want to finish mine so fast
But can’t remember my own past.

Lives and life time's have passed this way
stippling in fevered haze
Just waiting for my pen to die
And finish this whole plot of mine.

So now, this plot looks finalized
And so I think to draw the lines
But horror comes as I prospect…
None of my small dots connect.

Poems On Fire

I don't miss you

I know that it's true

I don't need you

I think that we're through

I don't miss your voice

And I don't miss you smile

I don't miss your heat

In fact, it's all vile

I don't miss your hands

I don't miss your touch

I don't miss your kisses

Well… I don't miss them much

I don't have a need

I don't have a hole

My heart isn't hollow

Turned from fire to coal

This house isn't empty

A cold, lonely place

And I don't find where you were

Is a vast, empty space