Boy or Girl - Find Out Where Your Flaming Personality Leans To!

YOUR BOY SIDE:
you love hoodies
You love jeans
dogs are better then cats
it’s hilarious when people get hurt
you've played with/against boys on a team
shopping is torture s
ad movies suck
you own/owned an XBOX
you own/owned a Wii
you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
you own/owned a DS PS2 or Sega
you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
you watch sports on TV
gory movies are cool
you go to your dad for advice
you own like a trillion baseball hats
you used to/do collect football collector cards
baggy sweatpants are cool to wear all the way
its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
you love to go crazy and not care what other people think
sports are fun you talk with food in your mouth
you sleep at night with your socks on sometimes
TOTAL= 13

YOUR GIRL SIDE
you love to shop
you wear eyeliner
you wear the color pink
you go to your mom for advice
you considered cheerleading a sport you hate wearing the color black
you like going to town
you like getting manicures and/or pedicures
you like wearing jewelery
you cried watching The Notebook
you have worn dangly earings
shopping is one of your favorite hobbies
you don't like the movie Star Wars
you are/were in gymnastics you smile a lot more than you should
you have more than 10 pairs of shoes
sometimes you care about what you look like you like wearing dresses
you like wearing body spray you wear flip flops
you used to play with dolls as a kid you have put makeup on others
you like being the star of almost everything
you love shoe shopping
pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL= 9

hmm... thirteen against nine. I should have foreseen that...

"I shouldn't have to explain myself...YOU should be the one telling ME why you believed what you heard"

Firing Up The 1º Post of CampNaNoWrimo

I have always struggled with vulnerability.

I like being strong; I’ve always had to be strong, and I have associated vulnerability with weakness for as long as I can remember. Of course in everyday life, it would be difficult for people to know this. I am seen as someone who is quite open and outgoing, at least to the extent that my demeanor is not mistaken for being a cold, unapproachable bitch.

I think.

Perhaps it’s through writing, perhaps it’s through getting older, but ultimately I’ve realized that I’m a really hard person to get to know. And very few people know even the half of it. I’m guarded and I don’t break easily; no matter how close I am to people, I know that most of them are still kept at a distance that is comfortable for me, a distance that won’t leave me too exposed. Or in fact exposed at all. I do not like to be vulnerable. But in true I do not like to be strong either. I'm like a coin- there's more than one side to me, not black and white, not one-dimensional,

I am in 3D.

And there is no area in my life where this is more true than in my love life. Yes, I play it off as being shy, and I am. And I play it off as being disinterested in the people who courageously approach me, and maybe that is true too. But when it’s all said and done, I am afraid of being vulnerable with people in that way. Of being seen as vulnerable by others. I like to feel in control of situations, I like to feel that I am always secure and my insecurities often get in the way of that. When you’re vulnerable, your heart and your mind are wide open, you put your trust in others by giving them the most precious thing you have – your heart. When you’re vulnerable you leave yourself open to hurt, pain and disapointment. So I guess somewhere along the way, whether I realized it or not, I made the decision that vulnerability was not for me. I told myself that to be vulnerable would mean to give up my strength and I did not want to give it up I couldn't give it up. My construction of strength pratically defined me. But do you know what happens when you tell yourself that strength opposes vulnerability? That you must choose between one or the other? I can tell you: Not a whole not. At least not when it comes to love. Who wants to be with someone that doesn’t think they need anyone? In my attempt to be strong, beyond my own streght, I have ultimately been motivated by fear. I have lived in the fear of rejection and the fear of failing. And I have told myself that it’s meant to be this way. But the truth is, I don’t want to be alone. I know I’ll be fine and life will go on and other people do just fine like that, but I don’t want to choose that path if I don’t have to. Lately I’ve been seeing the error in my ways. I thought that vulnerability was the weaker position when it comes to love. But I’m realizing that the irony of vulnerability in love and in the pursuit of love is that you actually take the stronger position. When you put your heart on the line, when you give it to somebody and you tell them that it’s theirs to keep or break, when you expose who you are and all you are to the world– that is one of the truest and greatest strengths that there is. Being vulnerable, and putting myself out there won’t be easy, it might be one of the hardest things that I’m ever going to attempt. And it might go horribly wrong – I might get broken or damaged like so many others before me. Loving anything and anyone ultimately comes with hurt and my attempt to not let people get close enough to hurt me has left me with a different kind of pain, a different kind of weakness – the weakness of regret and "what ifs". I think that, if I am to be truly strong, if any of us are, we have to be willing to expose ourselves and put ourselves through the greatest risk of all – which is love.

For Love is the law. Love under Will.

Quote by Aleister Crowley

Around the Camp NaNoWrimo Fire

Hi there! Long time no see! So, this time I'm doing CampNaNoWrimo in April... And I'm cheating, well not cheating per se, but I'm not writing a novel, instead I'll be trying to write weekly posts on this website! That's my goal. Let's see how it goes. Wish me the Courage of a Gryffindor, the Persistence of a Ravenclaw, the Humility of a Hufflepuff and the Ambition of a Slytherin. Sara <3 http://www.campnanowrimo.org/campers/scalvim

Life Inspirational Flames + some Yoda and Turtles Awesomness

I like turtles... I wanna live my life just like a turtle... They're like, so chill, so relaxed about everything. They don't hurt anyone. They don't give a shit about what others think of them. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle." Plus they can kill Super Mario! September 25, 2012 Sure, on retrospective 2012 sucked. The economy sucked. The housing market was lousy. And jobs became tougher to find. You thought 2012 was your year to break out on your own. Create your own life – physical,emotinal, psycological and financial freedom. But then AnimeSeason had a bunch of specials, you had to find out what happened on the latest anime(and blog about it), and, what is that?… There's a new Sherlock TV series? Frankly, you blew the year with distractions. It is easy to do…I mean…distractions are so…well… distracting. It is so much easier to chat about the latest Laurell K. Hamilton novel and her sexy french vampires, or how Starbucks is adding stuff to their coffee to make people want to buy an accompanying muffin. Hey, those are much better topics, I myself freely admit it, reality sucks! But that doesn't mean we can live on Neverland forever. Do you dare to take a peek through the looking glass? Then read on… Here's how you can sail trough this crisis infested waters, avoid major depression icebergs, and live the life of a pirate! Wake Up! – Get up early in the morning, every morning, even if you don't have anything to do, you won't accomplish anything by spending your life asleep in your bed. There are plenty of things to do everyday but, guess what, they all take work. Plan on learning about something. I mean really doing something, take bellydancing lesssons, learn a foreing language or two, get a cooking and pastery degree. But do it passionatly, either do something or don’t do something, don't go half hearted into it, don't live your life that way. "No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."- Yoda. Depression Sucks – Stop overthinking it. Cease to be so afraid of life, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."- Yoda really had it all figured out, don't get sucked into the dark side, live your life free of fear and happy in the light. Stop doing “serious work” and start enjoying what you do for a living. It is easy to get a job. There are lots of jobs available out there even in the middle of this crisis, there's lots of stuff that, at the end of the day,get you the money you need to live. But there's also lots of jobs that in the end of the week didn’t earn you a dime but feels like you did something. Before accepting any job, ask yourself, “How much is my time and self respect worth? is it worth this ammout of money?” If you can’t answer a big “yes,” in the short term… move on to something that will. Don't think long term, life is short you could be dead tomorrow, and then what good would the money and the hard work do you? Change is the key! Nowadays with the job unemployment rate, you get pretty much the same lousy ammount of money regardless of where you work, what you do or for how long you have been doing it. Take advantage of that and stop making up a million excuses “why” you couldn’t do something. Take this time to start your own business, take risks, strive for more and better, by taking chances and trying out for jobs you wouldn't normally do, you might find you like or even have some talent for some really unexpected stuff. "If no mistake have you made, yet losing you are ... a different game you should play"- Yoda. Live on the today! Don't spend your life mourning your past fortune. Set new dreams for yourself. Quit saying one day you'll be happy when you have this and that, or you never will. When will you get this or that? Set a deadline (an actual date and time) and tell friends to kick you in the ass if you don’t meet it. Get yourself back on track to your goals and dreams. Quit Bitching You Big Baby– The world owes you nothing. Life Sucks… get a helmet. Some people spend more time making excuses than it would have taken to use that same amount of time to just do the damn thing. Just do it already or quit whining about it. Whihning and complaining won't get you anywhere. "In this war, a danger there is, of losing who we are"- Yoda once again knew it, and tells you that in the middle of hard times one must hold on to one's own streght and pride with all one's got. Don't let yourself be dragged down by the general self-pity party, we seem to be having, live your life with pride and streght! Stop Twittering, Facebooking, and playing Farmville. – That huge sucking sound in the background when you fire up Facebook is the sound of your life going down the drain. You are not a real farmer and you are not “keeping in touch with your friends” – you are maintaining more than one narcissistic website all about you. If you wanna write about you, write a blog, or a journal. Don’t make excuses that social media is anything other than that. Want to talk to a friend? Pick up the frigging phone and call them – it probably automatically forwards to their Facebook account anyway. I hope you have a great rest of 2012 and a bloody awesome 2013. If you don’t, it is probably your own fault.

To Have Your Dreams Fall in Flames and Yet Rise Above The Ashes To Fly Stronger and Higher Than Before

My life is not hard, it never was. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I’m just one of many girls, post-university struggling to find paid employment and make ends meet. Actually, it is quite a lot like everyone else’s situations :) only I’ll, very soon, have to stop sponging off my parents or have delusions about being someone great that will “go down in history” or anything like that. I did study literature at university, I had dreams and I still do. I don’t expect to be a writer right away. Neither would I want to. But I always wanted to do something within the industry, and thought (perhaps naively?) that studying my passion would allow me to work with it in some way. Editing, Book PR, translations, freelance writing for newspapers and magazines, that kind of thing. People aren’t lying when they say the job market’s hard. I know other people think that graduates should stop moaning about being unemployed because LOTS of people are unemployed, but it really is an indescribably demoralising experience to come to the end of those 3/4 glorious years, in which you have worked hard, despite what some people think (ok, I could have worked harder). But I achieved good things, and was ready, am ready, to knuckle down and really make myself invaluable to an employer. Thankfully I’d worked part-time before, and my university is still not over, so I still have time to search and my mom will keep me from starving and living under a bridge, at least until graduation. At first I tought I ought to hold out for that big break, but as time passed I started looking for part-time work. Any part-time work. I guess I got desperate, the end of the semester is fast approaching and I just don’t wanna be a burden to my parents. People tell me I need to lower my standards, but I’ve applied for so many things: Jobs in hotels, airports and turism, cleaning jobs, dogsbody stuff, bar and restauration work, comertial, even those awful sales jobs where you stand on the street annoying people. Part-time work is my compromise: “Yes, I will go into the job market, I will work every single day in something that I do not love, will probably never enjoy and has absolutely nothing to do with the field I’ve studied all those years for. And not only will I be underpaid to do it, but also I’ll apparently have to practically beg for it.” But I’ll not do it full time. I’ll not accept that as the interity of my life. I’ll keep my dreams alive. I’ll not accept the status quo. It’s demeaning. Like adding insult to injury. I’m a person, I maybe a young person, and I’m not saying I’m entitled to more than anyone else, but I certainly should not have to settle for less than I deserve. I’m not asking for favors, and I’d really appreciate it, if people stopped treating me like I am. I’m just asking for an opportunity to prove that I can do this. Work. Prove myself. If I suck, for heavens sake- Fire me! But Gods, please give me an opportunity to screw up first, before automaticly assuming I will. The good news is, I’ve the right “fresh-out-from-university-looking-for-a-job” profile: I’m good looking, and friendly, active, easy-going, responsible, fast-thinking, hard working... I’m very hireable, even without much work experience. But I was born like that, there’s nothing to be proud of in that. I’m using all my skills because I have to, because starting in a few weeks, I’ll be all alone. By myself. And still waiting for my big opportunity, my dream job. I’ll keep signing up for it; I don’t know if they’ll be able to employ me, they say it’s the economy. Perhaps it is, but I think it’s the mentality, this loser mentality, this "I’ll even work for free if you just give me an internship with your company, because my mom and dad pay my bills, and I’ve to tell them I’m doing something with my life, or else". I refuse to do that, I refuse to accept a reality in which I busted my ass for others during 3/4 years, in which I studied and I (well, my parents did but you get the point) paid for a higher education, to do what? To work ridiculous hous, full weeks, with no guaranties, no security, no carrer opportunities or goals, for pratically no pay! Am I supposed to be okay with that? I’m sorry NO! I’ll say no, and I’ll NOT be sorry about that. Everytime people offer me an internship or an underpaid job, I’ll say no, and scream it if I have to. Scream it with all my power, with all my will... above that little voice in my head, that sounds suspiciously like my mom’s, and that says I must get a job. I will refuse to be a willing slave. I’ll say: “I’d rather starve”. For, it’s true that you cannot eat dignity, but you can die in your mind, in your heart and in your self-respect with plenty of food in your stomach. I’ll never willingly accept that as my fate, I deserve better, Gods I know I do. I don’t know if this is the way, but I’m positive that it’s a step in the right direction. I just wish everyone would do the same: Put their foot down for what they believe in! If we all said no, they’d not do it! The mentality would change, the productivity would rise (because people would actually want to do the jobs), and I’ll be dammed if the economy wouldn’t rise with it! I don’t really like to say that it’s my way or no way, but with my life, it kind of is. If nothing else, than to fail spectacularly will be a liberating experience. Students, graduates, friends... Unite! Fight for what you believe, and never, ever give up! Sara ♥

My Life Is On Fire!!!

So... After have an (ex)boyfriend break up with me for the first time, having trouble getting fininished with University this year for the first time, and getting a real "every-day-of-the-week" job (even if its not a full-time) also for the first time. I've finally decided to move out! Yep! Going far away from my mom's house and fortunatly (or unfortunatly, we'll see) finally getting out from under her tiranical and often completly ridiculous financial reign. Here's how this turn of events began: My mom bought a farm. Well, I guess we can say we bought it together, then again I've been living of her for the last 21 years so I suppose I can help a little. The thing is, I know we got the money from selling out our town house, but really I've no idea how she managed it! In fact I've no bloody idea how she managed to live for the past 20 years, while being a single parent, twice divorced, with 4 kids! Financially it seems to me nothing short of a miracle. And oddly enough we all turned out fine so far. Oh! and we most certanly never lacked for anything: Not too much,nor too little. That appear to be my mom's motto. Still, she buys everything she wants, (and most things we want for that matter) and still she manages not to have debt and meet every monthly bill. The truth is, My mom figured out how to save because she had to. And I assume her parents also knew how to save. I grew up with parents (both) who knew how to budget and save but considered finances very private. I really wish, at least she, had been more open to discussing how she managed her money because I feel like while she explained the birds and bees to me, she never covered the financial side at all. I'm pretty sure I would have figured out sex, but the way she budgets and allocates her savings still eludes me. Oh, well! I''l learn on the way, and if I end up eating canned food and boxed cereal for weeks, well, at least I never had problems with my bowels before! Besides there's a first time for everything. I'm prepared, at least emotionally if not mentally: - I've been on Erasmus, I've been apart from my family, easily. (I missed my cat a lot though...) - I want my own space, my own schedules and budgets. And most important of all, I really think I CAN DO IT. I WANT to live by MYSELF, to be independent, to stop being a burden to my parents or to anyone for that matter. When I was very young, all I wanted was to get married and have kids. I had no career aspirations and for that matter I still haven't got many. I want a job, and I've plenty of plans for travelling and for stuff I want to do before I die, like writing a book and learning bellydancing, but still no big "I want to be a ballerina or a doctor" dreams. Some of my childhood dreams still remain unchanged: I want to get married and have kids (on that order if possible) and with time I've realised that this dreams would work for me, that even with my child-mentality I made appropriate life choices for myself. But some things, like the not having a job, being a stay-at-home mom and housewife, well, those are really bad ideas. Not because I couldn't do it, and believe me not everyone can stay at home and be supported financially by their spouse. I probably could live spoonging out of some guy. Probably. And he wouldn't be getting the rough part of the deal either! I'm really a big fan of the 50's housewife thing, and I'm bloody awesome with kids, (that with all the practice and all) also great in bed, love sex and probably always will. Nops, I'm not bragging, just stating facts. I don't have the best personality and Gods know I've got plenty of flaws, but when it comes to love and my dream life, you bet I know what I want and how to go get it. Oddly enough I simply don't want it yet. And when I say yet, what I mean is right now, it will happen, rest assured, but first there's a couple of things I have to work on. First being the independence part, this will be a problem with my future dream-life. I am perfectly aware of this, so I've decided to take a while, to put my needs and wants first in my life, to make all my choices ALONE. For the very first time, without having to justify anything to anyone but myself. A period in time for me, so that when my dream-life happens I'll take some things from this life -alone- and others from my previous life -with my mom and brothers- and be much happier. The job part was also a lot easier to fix than I had anticipated. A part-time job! I can live with under 600 euros per month, easily and still saving. Well perhaps not easily, but with a budget and some self-control (thank the Gods for the Kindle) I should do fine and still manage to save from 50 to 100 euros every month. Money that will go to my travelling/vacation plans! Ok, so let's review my budget! (per month) - 210 euros housing expences (that includes utilities such as light, gas and internet) - 35 euros for transportation (that's my subway pass!) - 100 euros on alimentation (that's around 25 euros per week, a month being around 4 weeks) So the big total is: 345 euros! let's had the extra 5 euros for any excesses and catchim! 350 euros! That's about how much I need every month! Amazingly enough, and I swear I did not plan this! that's exactly how much I make at my D2D selling telecomunications part-time job! That's my 14h-22h job. We only really work from 16h-20h though, that's the time frame in which people open their doors. It's really great fun, always new places and new people, but I guess the best part is the extra money. I get extra 10 euros for each point I make (1 point per sale) and I normally get 3 points everytime (TV, net and phone) so thats 30 euros everytime I make 1 contract! I have to make about 5/6 per month. So that's a grand total of + 180 euros! just for saving! (oh, and if I make more than 5/6 my points start being worth 15 euros each! but lets not be greedy... :P) And to this I had my babysitting money! and that's the money for the extra expenses! I'm realistic, I spend money in often useless thing, such as clothes (I already have more than I'll ever remember to wear), make-up (which I never wear either way) and books (with I can get for free online, bless thy kindle !), plus other stuff such as going out with friends, cinema movies and restaurant/snack-bar foods. So that's the babysitting money right there. If I make more I can spend more, and if I make less well, that's ok too! My budget 101! Crossing my fingers and hoping everything will turn out fine! Wish me luck and happiness 'cause I'm wishing right back at you pall!