Boy or Girl - Find Out Where Your Flaming Personality Leans To!

YOUR BOY SIDE:
you love hoodies
You love jeans
dogs are better then cats
it’s hilarious when people get hurt
you've played with/against boys on a team
shopping is torture s
ad movies suck
you own/owned an XBOX
you own/owned a Wii
you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
you own/owned a DS PS2 or Sega
you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
you watch sports on TV
gory movies are cool
you go to your dad for advice
you own like a trillion baseball hats
you used to/do collect football collector cards
baggy sweatpants are cool to wear all the way
its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
you love to go crazy and not care what other people think
sports are fun you talk with food in your mouth
you sleep at night with your socks on sometimes
TOTAL= 13

YOUR GIRL SIDE
you love to shop
you wear eyeliner
you wear the color pink
you go to your mom for advice
you considered cheerleading a sport you hate wearing the color black
you like going to town
you like getting manicures and/or pedicures
you like wearing jewelery
you cried watching The Notebook
you have worn dangly earings
shopping is one of your favorite hobbies
you don't like the movie Star Wars
you are/were in gymnastics you smile a lot more than you should
you have more than 10 pairs of shoes
sometimes you care about what you look like you like wearing dresses
you like wearing body spray you wear flip flops
you used to play with dolls as a kid you have put makeup on others
you like being the star of almost everything
you love shoe shopping
pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL= 9

hmm... thirteen against nine. I should have foreseen that...

"I shouldn't have to explain myself...YOU should be the one telling ME why you believed what you heard"

Firing Up The 1º Post of CampNaNoWrimo

I have always struggled with vulnerability.

I like being strong; I’ve always had to be strong, and I have associated vulnerability with weakness for as long as I can remember. Of course in everyday life, it would be difficult for people to know this. I am seen as someone who is quite open and outgoing, at least to the extent that my demeanor is not mistaken for being a cold, unapproachable bitch.

I think.

Perhaps it’s through writing, perhaps it’s through getting older, but ultimately I’ve realized that I’m a really hard person to get to know. And very few people know even the half of it. I’m guarded and I don’t break easily; no matter how close I am to people, I know that most of them are still kept at a distance that is comfortable for me, a distance that won’t leave me too exposed. Or in fact exposed at all. I do not like to be vulnerable. But in true I do not like to be strong either. I'm like a coin- there's more than one side to me, not black and white, not one-dimensional,

I am in 3D.

And there is no area in my life where this is more true than in my love life. Yes, I play it off as being shy, and I am. And I play it off as being disinterested in the people who courageously approach me, and maybe that is true too. But when it’s all said and done, I am afraid of being vulnerable with people in that way. Of being seen as vulnerable by others. I like to feel in control of situations, I like to feel that I am always secure and my insecurities often get in the way of that. When you’re vulnerable, your heart and your mind are wide open, you put your trust in others by giving them the most precious thing you have – your heart. When you’re vulnerable you leave yourself open to hurt, pain and disapointment. So I guess somewhere along the way, whether I realized it or not, I made the decision that vulnerability was not for me. I told myself that to be vulnerable would mean to give up my strength and I did not want to give it up I couldn't give it up. My construction of strength pratically defined me. But do you know what happens when you tell yourself that strength opposes vulnerability? That you must choose between one or the other? I can tell you: Not a whole not. At least not when it comes to love. Who wants to be with someone that doesn’t think they need anyone? In my attempt to be strong, beyond my own streght, I have ultimately been motivated by fear. I have lived in the fear of rejection and the fear of failing. And I have told myself that it’s meant to be this way. But the truth is, I don’t want to be alone. I know I’ll be fine and life will go on and other people do just fine like that, but I don’t want to choose that path if I don’t have to. Lately I’ve been seeing the error in my ways. I thought that vulnerability was the weaker position when it comes to love. But I’m realizing that the irony of vulnerability in love and in the pursuit of love is that you actually take the stronger position. When you put your heart on the line, when you give it to somebody and you tell them that it’s theirs to keep or break, when you expose who you are and all you are to the world– that is one of the truest and greatest strengths that there is. Being vulnerable, and putting myself out there won’t be easy, it might be one of the hardest things that I’m ever going to attempt. And it might go horribly wrong – I might get broken or damaged like so many others before me. Loving anything and anyone ultimately comes with hurt and my attempt to not let people get close enough to hurt me has left me with a different kind of pain, a different kind of weakness – the weakness of regret and "what ifs". I think that, if I am to be truly strong, if any of us are, we have to be willing to expose ourselves and put ourselves through the greatest risk of all – which is love.

For Love is the law. Love under Will.

Quote by Aleister Crowley