Thursday, May 17, 2012
3 am fires of love
Thoughts on the nature of love...
What is love, and how can we tell, when it begins or where it ends?
Do we know love if we see it? When we feel it?
I daresay that you will not know love when it is offered to you, so intent will you be to experience Le Grand Amour-- the only sort of love fitting for the hero, for the main character of your own story.
Drama and romance.
And then, when you realise that the great passion that comes along with your drama is short lived, you will move on searching for the next happily ever after.
You will never stay still enough to recognise true love when it’s presented.
For it takes patience to detect subtlety.
And love is nothing if not subtle.
For love... love is telling a man he’s not pretty while stroking his face with a reverent touch.
But there are many pretty men and women in the world; you of course dated enough of those to know.
Yes, there certainly are pretty people, aren’t there?
Pretty and dull.
That is the way of things, the great divide for people.
Or so I had believed, until the night I met you.
You see, you have more than pretty looks, though you have those too.
Like the Beast in the old fairytale, there is to you, more than meets the eye.
Some sort of darkness, but not as in the fairytale, redeemed in the end, oh no, for I would not wish it so.
For those kind of sweet fairytale endings are of a taste I have never cared to acquire. I much prefer the tangy flavour of truth.
For we are children yes, but children of the world, and lies do not become us.
Indeed I could not wish for you to be anything less than what you are.
I would not dare to, for fear that if I did, and if you did, then perhaps you too would become pretty dull to me.
Oh! Do keep your darkness, your hidden sides and shades.
Leave to the poets, the children, the dreamers, and the romantics; the honeyed dispositions, the pretty profiles, the blond princes and virtuous knights in white horses, the serendipitous happily ever afters.
For shadows, as any artist will tell you, create depth.
--After 3 am, you should be in bed, I know I should. I should most certainly not be writing about anything at all. Do forgive me for any lack in grammar or coherence, they are all entirely and most sincerily my fault.--
Fandom Flames!
Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime.
Fandom is people you don’t tell your mother you’re meeting. Fandom is people in the closet, people out and proud, people in costumes, people in T-shirts with slogans only fifty others would understand. Fandom is a loud dinner conversation scaring the waiter and every table nearby.
Fandom is you in Germany and me in Portugal and him in the US and her in Japan. Fandom is a sofa-bed in Denmark, a roadtrip to London, a friend behind a face in Glasgow. Fandom talks past timezones and accents and backgrounds. Fandom is conversation. Communication. Contact.
Fandom is drama. Fandom is melodrama. Fandom is high school. Fandom is Snacky’s law and Godwin’s law and Murphy’s law. Fandom is smarter than you. Fandom is stupider than you. Fandom is five arguments over and over and over again. Fandom is the first time you’ve ever had them.
Fandom is female. Fandom is male. Fandom lets female play at being male. Fandom bends gender, straight, gay, prude, promiscuous. Fandom is fantasy. Fandom doesn’t care about norms or taboos or boundaries. Fandom cares too much about norms and taboos and boundaries. Fandom is not real life. Fandom is closer than real life. Fandom knows what you’re really like in the bedroom. Fandom is how you would never, could never be in the bedroom.
Fandom is shipping, never shipping, het, slash, gen, none of the above, more than the above. Fandom is love for characters you didn’t create. Fandom is recreating the characters you didn’t create. Fandom is appropriation, subversion, dissention. Fandom is adoration, extrapolation, imitation. Fandom is dissection, criticism, interpretation. Fandom is changing, experimenting, attempting. Fandom is Post-modernism at its best and at its worst.
Fandom is creating. Fandom is drawing, painting, vidding: nine seasons in four minutes of love. Fandom is words, language, authoring. Fandom is essays, stories, betas, parodies, filks, zines, usenet posts, blog posts, message board posts, emails, chats, petitions, wank, concrit, feedback, recs. Fandom is writing for the first time since you were twelve. Fandom is finally calling yourself a writer.
Fandom is signal and response. Fandom is a stranger moving you to tears, anger, laughter. Fandom is you moving a stranger to speak.
Fandom is distraction. Fandom is endangering your job, your grades, your relationships, your bank account. Fandom gets no work done. Fandom is too much work. Fandom was/is just a phase. Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason.
Fandom is where you found yourself.
Fandom is life.
To my boyfriend! My vey own Light!
“‘I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.”
— Jonathan Safran Foer
Fire or Hire?!
My life is not hard, it never was. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I’m just one of many girls post-university struggling to find paid employment and make ends meet. Actually, it is quite a lot like everyone else’s situations only I’ll, very soon, have to stop sponging off my parents or have delusions about being someone great that will “go down in history” or anything like that.
I did study literature at university, I had dreams and I still do. I don’t expect to be a writer right away. Neither would I want to. But I always wanted to do something within the industry, and thought (perhaps naively?) that studying my passion would allow me to work with it in some way. Editing, Book PR, translations, freelance writing for newspapers and magazines, that kind of thing.
People aren’t lying when they say the job market’s hard. I know other people think that graduates should stop moaning about being unemployed because LOTS of people are unemployed, but it really is an indescribably demoralising experience to come to the end of those 3/4 glorious years, in which you have worked hard, despite what some people think (ok, I could have worked harder). But I achieved good things, and was ready, am ready, to knuckle down and really make myself invaluable to an employer.
Thankfully I’d worked part-time before, and my university is still not over, so I still have time to search and my mom will keep me from starving and living under a bridge, at least until graduation. At first I tought I ought to hold out for that big break, but as time passed I started looking for part-time work. Any part-time work. I guess I got desperate, the end of the semester is fast approaching and I just don’t wanna be a burden to my parents. People tell me I need to lower my standards, but I’ve applied for so many things: Jobs in hotelary and turism, cleaning jobs, dogsbody stuff, bar and restauration work, comertial, even those awful sales jobs where you stand on the street annoying people. Part-time work is my compromise: “Yes, I will go into the job market, I will work every single day in something that I do not love, will probably never enjoy and has absolutely nothing to do with the field I’ve studied all those years for. And not only will I be underpaid to do it, but also I’ll apparently have to practically beg for it.”
But I’ll not do it full time. I’ll not accept that as the interity of my life. I’ll keep my dreams alive. I’ll not accept the status quo.
It’s demeaning. Like adding insult to injury. I’m a person, I maybe a young person, and I’m not saying I’m entitled to more than anyone else, but I certainly should not have to settle for less than I deserve.
I’m not asking for favors, and I’d really appreciate it, if people stopped treating me like I am. I’m just asking for an opportunity to prove that I can do this. Work. Prove myself. If I suck, for heavens sake- Fire me! But Gods, please give me an opportunity to screw up first, before automaticly assuming I will.
The good news is, I’ve the right “fresh-out-from-university-looking-for-a-job” profile: I’m good looking, and friendly, active, easy-going, responsible, fast-thinking, hard working... I’m very hireable, even without much work experience. But I was born like that, there’s nothing to be proud in that. I’m using all my skills because I have to, because starting in a few weeks, I’ll be all alone. By myself. And still waiting for my big opportunity, my dream job. I’ll keep signing up for it; I don’t know if they’ll be able to employ me, they say it’s the economy. Perhaps it is, but I think it’s the mentality, this loser mentality, this “I’ll even work for free” if you just give me an internship with your company, because my mom and dad pay my bills, and I’ve to tell them I’m doing something with my life, or else.
I refuse to do that, I refuse to accept a reality in which I busted my ass for others during 3/4 years, in which I studied and I (well, my parents did but you get the point) paid for a higher education, to do what? To work ridiculous hous, full weeks, with no guaranties, no security, no carrer oppurtunities or goals, for pratically no pay! Am I supposed to be okay with that? I’m sorry NO! I’ll say no, and I’ll NOT be sorry about that, everytime people offer me an internship or an underpaid job, I’ll say no, and scream it if I have to. Scream it with all my power, with all my will... above that little voice in my head, that sounds suspiciously like my mom’s, and that says I must get a job. I will refuse to be a willing slave. I’ll say: “I’d rather starve”.For, it’s true that you cannot eat dignity, but you can die in your mind, in your heart and in your self-respect with plenty of food in your stomach. I’ll never willingly accept that as my fate, I deserve better, Gods I know I do. I don’t know if this is the way, but I’m positive that it’s a step in the right direction. I just wish everyone would do the same: Put their foot down for what they believe in! If we all said no, they’d not do it! The mentality would change, the productivity would rise (because people would actually want to do the jobs), and I’ll be dammed if the economy wouldn’t rise with it!
I don’t really like to say that it’s my way or no way, but with my life, it kind of is.
If nothing else, than to fail spectacularly will be a liberating experience.
Students, graduates, friends... Unite! Fight for what you believe, and never, ever give up!
Sara <3
Friday, May 4, 2012
Watch As I Flame You!
THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO IN FANFICTION
*A bossy list by Fanfiction Author Raining Ink. Your mileage may differ.*
1. Accidentally write a Mary Sue.
Go now, and Google Mary Sue. Write one if you must. But please, realize that you're doing it; and give us a warning in the fic summary.
2. Infantilize a teenager or adult character.
Dear Hurt/Comfort author, if your sixteen-year-old protagonist is constantly whimpering, clutching a plush toy, looking at people with "vulnerable liquid eyes," sucking his thumb, or otherwise acting like a small child, you are probably tap dancing on your reader's gag reflex. This syndrome plagues Harry Potter fan fic, especially Severitus/Sevitus. It is not cute. It is supremely creepy.
3. Have an explicit sex scene in every chapter.
I know. It's a shocker, right? But a lot of us actually read fan fiction for the plot. I will wade through a whole lot of explicit scenes to get to the nuggets of plot (and almost every fic worth its salt has some plot even if the author didn't realize it), but I don't enjoy it. Please at least let me know in the summary if I'm going to have to skim massively to find the story amidst all of the insert Tab A into Slot B.
3.5 Have an explicit sex scene at ff.net.
That M rating? It's M, not NC-17. They are not equivalent. I feel pretty strongly about this, though I used to barely notice it and I've never bothered to report anyone. If you're going to write smut, write it somewhere else. There are a lot twelve and thirteen year olds digging through this site. I think we've got a responsibility to keep it clean, or at least clearly labeled.
4. Write without a Beta if you suck at English grammar.
Don't feel embarassed. A whole lot of people fail at grammar. Betas are cute and plentiful and so gosh darn helpful that it will make you feel all tingly inside when you get one. If you are really bad, get two Betas. It's good for you. It's good for your story. It's good for your readers. And I can promise that you'll get more reviews if your grammar and spelling are up to snuff.
5. Write a "Group of Characters read the Book in Which They are Featured" Fic.
DO NOT DO IT.
I'm sure I'm hurting some feelings with this, but there is a very good reason not to. I have never, ever, read one of these that wasn't a horendous work of plagiarism. Yes, it's fun and funny to see how Draco Malfoy responds to the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Super. BUT. You can't write this fic without copying massive amounts of the author's original work. I've seen entire chapters of novels retyped. The fact that the "writer" (aka typist) used quotation marks didn't change the fact that I could have read the original author's story without paying for it. This is plagiarism, not fanfiction. It is illegal, unethical, and stupid.
6. Use your story as a political or religious platform.
Put it on your profile page, not in your character's mouth. Harry Potter really doesn't care if you like Sarah Palin or not.
(Quite frankly, none of the rest of us do either.)
7. Write abuse scenes solely to garner sympathy for a lame character.
Abuse is a serious issue. Don't make a mockery of it. If you're going to deal with it, don't just insert it into your story to "juice things up" or to make everyone feel super sorry for your protagonist so that they will understand when he/she starts carrying around a teddy bear at age sixteen and sucking his/her thumb. (See number 2.)
8. Summarize canon.
Seriously? It's fan fiction. We're fans. We don't need you to give us every detail about how Harry Potter grew up with the Dursleys or how Percy Jackson is really a demigod. We got that memo. Write something new.
8.5 Write an AU in which nothing new happens.
Summary says: Harry is really the reincarnation of Merlin, sent to Earth to save it from alien invasion, and Voldemort is really the female leader of the invading force. Rock on. And then, for 100,000 plus words, the characters do the exact same things they did in canon. Voldemort may be pink tentacle monster, but it hasn't changed anything. Not even the dialogue. This baffles me.
9. Write entirely in dialogue.
I'm seeing more and more of this. I know it's easier, and it makes your chapters look longer on paper, but really? Dialogue is great when it's resting on top of good exposition. Otherwise you're trying to build a pyramid from the top down.
10. Be Evil.
This is for everyone and anyone out there who reads or writes fan fic. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be friendly. If you're one of those withered souls who looks for opportunities to rain on everyone else's parade, get lost. We don't need you. Criticism should be constructive, plagiarism should be utterly foreign, and you should never poke someone just to see if they bleed.
*A bossy list by Fanfiction Author Raining Ink. Your mileage may differ.*
1. Accidentally write a Mary Sue.
Go now, and Google Mary Sue. Write one if you must. But please, realize that you're doing it; and give us a warning in the fic summary.
2. Infantilize a teenager or adult character.
Dear Hurt/Comfort author, if your sixteen-year-old protagonist is constantly whimpering, clutching a plush toy, looking at people with "vulnerable liquid eyes," sucking his thumb, or otherwise acting like a small child, you are probably tap dancing on your reader's gag reflex. This syndrome plagues Harry Potter fan fic, especially Severitus/Sevitus. It is not cute. It is supremely creepy.
3. Have an explicit sex scene in every chapter.
I know. It's a shocker, right? But a lot of us actually read fan fiction for the plot. I will wade through a whole lot of explicit scenes to get to the nuggets of plot (and almost every fic worth its salt has some plot even if the author didn't realize it), but I don't enjoy it. Please at least let me know in the summary if I'm going to have to skim massively to find the story amidst all of the insert Tab A into Slot B.
3.5 Have an explicit sex scene at ff.net.
That M rating? It's M, not NC-17. They are not equivalent. I feel pretty strongly about this, though I used to barely notice it and I've never bothered to report anyone. If you're going to write smut, write it somewhere else. There are a lot twelve and thirteen year olds digging through this site. I think we've got a responsibility to keep it clean, or at least clearly labeled.
4. Write without a Beta if you suck at English grammar.
Don't feel embarassed. A whole lot of people fail at grammar. Betas are cute and plentiful and so gosh darn helpful that it will make you feel all tingly inside when you get one. If you are really bad, get two Betas. It's good for you. It's good for your story. It's good for your readers. And I can promise that you'll get more reviews if your grammar and spelling are up to snuff.
5. Write a "Group of Characters read the Book in Which They are Featured" Fic.
DO NOT DO IT.
I'm sure I'm hurting some feelings with this, but there is a very good reason not to. I have never, ever, read one of these that wasn't a horendous work of plagiarism. Yes, it's fun and funny to see how Draco Malfoy responds to the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Super. BUT. You can't write this fic without copying massive amounts of the author's original work. I've seen entire chapters of novels retyped. The fact that the "writer" (aka typist) used quotation marks didn't change the fact that I could have read the original author's story without paying for it. This is plagiarism, not fanfiction. It is illegal, unethical, and stupid.
6. Use your story as a political or religious platform.
Put it on your profile page, not in your character's mouth. Harry Potter really doesn't care if you like Sarah Palin or not.
(Quite frankly, none of the rest of us do either.)
7. Write abuse scenes solely to garner sympathy for a lame character.
Abuse is a serious issue. Don't make a mockery of it. If you're going to deal with it, don't just insert it into your story to "juice things up" or to make everyone feel super sorry for your protagonist so that they will understand when he/she starts carrying around a teddy bear at age sixteen and sucking his/her thumb. (See number 2.)
8. Summarize canon.
Seriously? It's fan fiction. We're fans. We don't need you to give us every detail about how Harry Potter grew up with the Dursleys or how Percy Jackson is really a demigod. We got that memo. Write something new.
8.5 Write an AU in which nothing new happens.
Summary says: Harry is really the reincarnation of Merlin, sent to Earth to save it from alien invasion, and Voldemort is really the female leader of the invading force. Rock on. And then, for 100,000 plus words, the characters do the exact same things they did in canon. Voldemort may be pink tentacle monster, but it hasn't changed anything. Not even the dialogue. This baffles me.
9. Write entirely in dialogue.
I'm seeing more and more of this. I know it's easier, and it makes your chapters look longer on paper, but really? Dialogue is great when it's resting on top of good exposition. Otherwise you're trying to build a pyramid from the top down.
10. Be Evil.
This is for everyone and anyone out there who reads or writes fan fic. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be friendly. If you're one of those withered souls who looks for opportunities to rain on everyone else's parade, get lost. We don't need you. Criticism should be constructive, plagiarism should be utterly foreign, and you should never poke someone just to see if they bleed.
HI KAWAI BURNING ALL THE WAY FROM JAPAN!!!
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