Ok, now that we have cleared that, let us carry on...
Have you ever heard the expression:
"No raindrop feels responsible for the flood."
No? Well, now you have.
And what about this expression:
"...you're
not a pawn, you're a piece of dust slowly settling on a pawn in a game in which
no player has moved in a thousand years."
No? Well, you probably haven't 'cause I just invented that one, but the point is,
Some days seem to exist just to prove to you how insignificant you truly are.
Today was one of those days.
You know how when you're young you come up with a set of rules, personal rules and you say to yourself: "I will always live by this maxims."
Yes, well, you will not.
Prepare Yourself!
You will,
Lie
Steal
Envy
Cheat
Hurt
Kill
(... ok that last one was probably an exageration...)
What I mean is that you don't know the future and every new day is a test to your convictions, or perhaps more correctly to your preconceived notions of right and wrong.
Ever read "Les Miserables" ?
Yes, well I have, and you should too...
In fact, why don't you go read it right now?
.... go on, it's fine!
I'll wait...
Done?
Good.
Let's go on... where was I?
Oh! that's right, why life is a bitch...
One days it tells you all your dreams are possible, the ridiculous list you made of your perfect man is not only reasonable, but it exists, those childhood wishes were simply guidelines, but hey! now they aren't! they are for real,and life has somehow manage to improve on them, it or in this case he can be even better.
Perfect really.
Then the next day, life asks you, to completely redefine your notion of self, by throwing into the trash bin, all your preconceived maxims.
Maxims like that old philosophical maxim, that goes something like this:
"The way you pose a question determines the answer."
The problem with the question I am posing myself right now, is that it's a yes/no, right/wrong, all/nothing proposition.
I'm doomed to disappointment no matter how I cut it -- for in the end, I apparently still have a child's view of love and relationships,
-- solitude is preferable to bad relationships 'cause bad relationships must be misery and all the good relationships will immediatly be bliss and bliss alone.
Is this really how life works, not just with romance, but with anything?
At some point the mature person must recognize the difference between fantasy and reality, of how your idea of the way things should be only sometimes intersect with the way things really are.
Know that there are no real constants in life:
Solitude may be both invigorating and lonesome,
A relationship can be exceptional and wanting in equal turns,
Your family/friends can embolden you and let you down the next day.
Life is throwing this at me as a way of suggesting I rethink things as having more than one answer, and allow myself
the very real,
very human,
often unpoetic
(or fit for being turned into maxims )
stuff of life, that lies in the middle of misery and ecstasy. The stuff in between. Neither white nor black, all the nasty and beautiful grey bits of life.
Whatever they may be.
Either way, just live the best life you can, and yadda yadda...
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